Thursday, April 28, 2011

If you only understood

A few weeks ago I had to take my son to the doctor. I was a little concerned that he was showing signs of allergies and asthma. So I made the appointment for Him to see a specialist and then I prepped him on the fact that they would do little scratches on his back to test for certain allergies. Little did I know that it wasn't just a little scratch to this "scratch test", it was a double needled poking device. And they didn't do a little scratch they had to break his skin, 17 times.


Needless to say my precious, innocent 3yr old baby boy had to be held down while He screamed in terror. Laying on His tummy while they poked his back He cried out, "Mommy! Make it stop! No more Mommy! Please!" As tears filled my eyes, I held him down with a few other nurses and tried to tell Him it was almost over. "Elijah hunny, just a few more, we have to finish this, I promise there are only a few more" I said as sweetly as I could without my voice breaking.  They continued to dig the tools into his skin and He cried even harder, my heart broke with each scream.
Finally, after a long agonizing few minutes, it was over. I tried to hold my son to comfort Him while trying not touching his back. His screams turned to softer sobs, I pulled Him back and said "I am so sorry my sweet, But we have to do this test so that I can know how to make you better when you are sick". He looked at up with big thick wet eyelashes, "Mommy, dont ever make me do that again, ok? Please Mommy, Ill be good forever!", "Elijah, I would never hurt you on purpose, and I would never make you do something like this unless it was for your benefit, I love you too much". He nodded His head gently and the soft sobs turned into silent tears, which faded into a quiet acceptance that it was over. 
My dear Elijah, I love you too much to allow something bad to happen to you on purpose unless I knew it was for the better. 


Arent we like my little boy, with God? When we go through trials in life, we cry out "Why God why?? How could you love me and let me go through this?? If you were really out there, wouldnt you save me from this pain?" And God quietly says "I am here my child, I will never leave you nor forsake you. But my thoughts are higher than your thoughts, and my ways are higher than your ways. And although you cant see the bigger picture, or understand why you must go through the things you go through, I can. I know that this is for the better, for a better future and a better life. This trial now is strengthening you for what is to come later."
So although we may feel alone in our situations and our heartaches in life, and we feel that if God really loved us He wouldnt let us suffer through things, just remember that God truly does loves us. Just as I cried silently for my little boy as I allowed Him to suffer through pain for His benefit, I did it because I love Him. And God loves you a million times more, His love is never ending, never failing and never runs out. Just hold on through the storms in life, it wont last forever and the whole time God will be holding you, even if you cant see Him. 
He loves you too much to ever hurt you on purpose, and He will never put you through things unnecessarily. Try and find your blessings in every situation!


God loves you too much. 
He loves you TOO much. 
His love is never failing, never. 


Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him - James 1:12

Friday, April 22, 2011

Intimate Moments

Today you changed my life, today you said I love you not only in words but in action, today you took my place in death, today you took all shame that comes from my wrongdoings & buried them with you, today you were beaten, broken bloodied and bruised for Me, today you were crucified next to the guilty, while being honestly innocent. Today we celebrate your victory in death, and soon we will celebrate your victory in everlasting life. Today Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice, for US! I am not ashamed, I love you Jesus!
 Tonight we got to spend an hour in worship, truly praising God for the sacrifice He made for us. I brought along my 3yr old to join in. I figured, this is a pretty important night and Hes getting old enough to truly understand whats going on. I spent the afternoon explaining in detail the story of Jesus' crucifixion, trying not to belittle what happened, but also allow the mind of a 3yr old to understand. So while we spent time in church, it started making sense to him. Then they announced that there would be a 10 minute break to take communion with your family, fill a goody bag with momentum's like palm branches, thorny twigs, whips, nails and more to explain the story of Jesus, and you could also watch the clip of His crucifixion in the movie Passion of the Christ over in another corner. 
Elijah and I went up the communion table and we grabbed a grape and a piece of bread(they had grapes instead of little cups of juice). We went over and sat alone on the floor and I began to explain that the grape represented the blood of Jesus, which cleanses us from all sin. That as we drink(eat) it, we are symbolizing being washed from the inside out by the power of the blood of Jesus. I start having a hard time talking, tears are flowing from my eyes as i realize how important this moment is for Elijah. And He gazes at me in awe, almost as if he feels honored to be doing such a thing. Then I show Him the bread. And I explain that just as this piece of bread was broken from the whole piece of bread, Jesus' body was broken for us, and that we could take his broken body and be made whole. 
And I ask "Elijah, do you know what the grape means?" And he tells me its the blood of Jesus that makes him clean when hes dirty :) I ask again "Do you know what the bread means?" He says, it fixes me mommy. I start to cry a little more, not only did He listen to me so well with what I told him, He understood it in his own terms. So precious, beyond precious. So I tell Him, OK, lets pray for them. So we pray for them and I open my eyes to see his little wet eyelashes and his eyes glittering with tears as He humbly says "thank you Jesus for dying for me" all on his own. So right then and there my son and I partook in communion together for the first time. I held him so tightly, I didnt want that moment to end. 

I am so grateful to have a little boy who knows who God is and loves him. Who knows Jesus dwells in his heart and will protect him. I am incredibly grateful for intimate moments, a memory burned into my heart forever. 
 But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children." Mathew 19:14


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Journey into the unknown

As many of you know(and if you dont where were you hiding for the last month?) Sheldon and I took the daunting task of running for political office. Well honestly He did the running, and I was His live-in secretary! But it was the craziest month we have yet to experience. But it was also one of the most rewarding things we have done. Looking back, we knew we were getting in way over our heads, but even then we didnt have quite the understanding of how much. We were approached with the opportunity to take on this incredible job, and after much prayer and several confirmations, we agreed.(see how I keep saying "we" as if I did much other than support him and work the computer LOL). 
We jumped in and took off running, and didnt stop still after election day! Sheldon took on learning every possible thing he could soak up about politics, while attempting to call over 900 delegates and alternates, while making appearances at conventions and meetings, while also working 12 hour overnight shifts. His schedule on about every day looked something like this:


4pm - leave for work
5pm - start work
5am - leave work - 
6am - get home and try and fall asleep
7am - his phone ringing off the hook
8am - give up on sleep, shower and get ready
9am - leave for meetings, appearances and speeches
3pm - come back home to dress for work(and even then there were several times he took his clothes with him so he could dress at work)
4pm - start all over again


Needless to say He was running on fumes and the Holy Spirit by the end of week 3. Although a lot of people were in support of what Sheldon was doing, many others didnt even want to give him the time of day. Many times did we question if this was really where God wanted us. But NEVER did we give up. No matter how many times those delegates and alternates slammed the phone down on Sheldon, no matter how many times people negatively questioned his lack of political experience, He did not quit. He pressed on, tired, weary, discouraged several times, and out of energy, He pressed on. 
The closer we got, the more negative people around us became. But we prayed, and kept receiving confirmations and comfort that we were to stay on this path, this journey into the unknown. God sent caring, loving and supporting people to wrap themselves around us.
Come election day, Sheldon gave his speech and swayed several more votes his way. And although He did not "win", there was a victory that day. People swarmed around him to congratulate him on an amazing, touching and inspiring speech. And now that its been almost a week, we are still receiving emails from people telling Him that they cant wait till He runs again. He received 88 votes. Which has now turned into "the proud 88".


Maybe in all of this, the outcome was never for Sheldon to win the election, but to light a fire under some of these peoples chairs. To encourage them to take an extra step out of their comfort zone and do something about this world we live in. There is no doubt that it gets worse as the days go by. And if we dont step up and take our part and then some, who will? Why wait on someone else to do what we could just as easily do?


God reminded me of the story of Moses. He was called to lead the people out of slavery in Egypt into what was called the "promise land". A place of plenty, and peace. And he felt unqualified. He begged God to use another person, but God told Him he was to do it. (he did give him another person to speak for him) After trials and tribulations, and 40yrs in the desert the Israelite's were finally able to cross into this promised land. 


BUT.....Moses did not. Moses did all that hard work, pushing against forces that seemed to push back ten times harder, leading millions of people who complained, grumbled and back stabbed every chance they could. And although He was probably pretty sure He was going to make it to the final push, that was not Gods plan. Moses lead, Moses encouraged, Moses taught, Moses created relationships, Moses heard directly from God, But Moses did not enter into the worlds promise land. He was a great man, but Gods plan for him was bigger than He realized. He created these leaders from within the people who he lead out of slavery, and passed the baton to those people to go the final push. 


I believe Sheldons call was not to win this election, but to change the hearts and minds of the people he would come in contact with. Winning would have been nice, sure! But hearing so many people tell us over and over again "we have been praying for a man of God to step forward and become a leader for soooooo long!" was enough to help us understand that winning wasnt what was going to create a victory that day. The victory came from those whos hearts were pricked to be better, those who looked at a young man with no experience stepping up to something no one else had done and thought...what more can I do? And in those who met a passionate man of God, who was being obedient to the spirit even if it meant losing a worldly election. 88 people looked at Sheldon that day and said "we think Hes good enough for this job".....88 people took a chance on a man they had never heard of before, with no experience in mans eyes, and more than 88 people were touched by Sheldons message. Thats victory to me.


I am so grateful for every experience we are given. Sometimes that means winning, sometimes that means losing, sometimes that means both.......but every step I take I know that Gods plan is the master plan and He already has every answer written in the stars for me.